Christmas, and wanting someone special

I don't write here that often anymore, but I feel compelled to write something, because something has been on my mind all the time.

I want someone to love. Someone I can come home to, or just call and talk to, who is close by, who shares the same passions that I do, and most importantly, genuinely cares for me the way my heart aches to care for someone.

It is so hard, though. I have two children whom I love dearly. I don't want to subject them to a parade of people and have them get mixed signals. I love them too much to put them through all of that. And in a sense, I almost feel like it's not worth it, from the standpoint of being a father. I feel like I owe them everything, and I want them to have the best of what I have to offer.

But what about me? I long for someone to hug, to hold, to share thoughts and memories with. Someone to be there who can eventually love me for who I am, who isn't afraid to show love. I have so much love in my heart to give someone, and it does no good just sitting there, where no one can enjoy it or cherish it or experience it. I want someone to take that love and accept it.
So far, no one has.

It is Christmas, and I am thrilled that I get to spend it with my children. This will be the first time since 2007 that I have spent Christmas with them -- the first time in three years. That is fantastic, and I can't wait. I'm hoping to take them to Salt Lake City to see the lights on Temple Square just before Xmas. I need to find someone to wrap presents! I don't even have a Christmas tree!

It has been wonderful being with the kids these past four months. I have enjoyed every moment of it. I just hope they have enjoyed being with me as much as I have enjoyed being with them.