A hefty challenge

Tomorrow I head to the gym for the first time in several months. Realistically, it's the first time in like three years that I'm making a serious go at losing weight.

While I haven't ever been one of those yo-yo dieters, I certainly am in a class of people for whom eating, unfortunately, is more than just sustenance. It's an adventure. And that's wrong. Anyone who has seen me recently will probably agree.

It may be a few months before I can see the kids full-time. I'm setting a Feb. 1 deadline for myself in hopes that will give me enough time to save up enough money.

Now, I'm hoping I can lose enough weight so that it makes a difference. I'm doing it for myself, first and foremost, of course. I'd like to walk more than a block or two before becoming winded. I'd like to be more mobile and have more agility. Getting around is not difficult for me...but what I've noticed is, I'm actually thinking about the possible difficulty in climbing stairs or going uphill. For a 35 year old man, this is pretty inexcusable.

I need to get in better shape so I can run. So I can stand in line for an hour and not have my back hurt. It's quite embarrassing to write these things, but it's true. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven't prepared my own meals for myself in quite a long time, and that depression at some point had something to do with it. About a year ago or so, I had the opposite problem. My depressed state made me feel embarrassed to eat, and I dropped probably about 20 pounds.

Now, I'll have to work hard and diligently about that. I want to lose weight for my son and daughter, so that when I go live near them, I can teach them how to run, I can teach my son how to play sports, and I can keep up with them. Truthfully, I can say that even now, I probably can't. That's a sad thing to say, but I can't lie about it. I sweat at the drop of a hat, and I don't want to be like my mom, who has trouble moving from place to place. I want to help people, not be a liability to them.

The only way I know how to do that is to hit the gym (and another weight-loss program) hard, as if I had everything to lose if I did not. It means more than just to me. My children and the people I love are counting on it, too.