Testing my faith

I got an exceedingly enlightening, if somewhat sad email from my wife's aunt the other day. In it, Cherie's aunt expresses concern about her niece's welfare and the welfare of her grand-niece and nephew, and wonders if it somehow isn't prompted by my wife's distancing herself from the faith she once enjoyed.

I am not one to tell someone my faith is stronger than theirs, or that I am somehow, as the expression is sometimes used, "holier than thou." I have many faults myself -- faults that led me to the situation where I am now.

But I can say with certainty that my faith in Heavenly Father has guided me much over the past year and a half -- and yes, it's been that long -- to the point that my faith has told me that the way I had treated my family at times was categorically wrong, and must be rectified. Have I done enough? I don't think I will ever do enough. I will have never done enough in the eyes of the Lord or anyone else to perhaps ever justify what I did. The bottom line is, I did not try hard enough with my wife and children, and did not give them enough of myself.

But does there come a time when the tables are turned? When it becomes obvious that my spouse has become the person I once was? I think, to me, and apparently to others, that has become almost painfully obvious. It has become obvious to everyone except the person perpetrating these actions. The problem is, I can't be the one to point this out, and neither should I be. That's not exactly my job. That's the job of someone else. Or is it?

My wife has abandoned many of the principles for which I grew to love her. And she has not shown my children these positive principles, either, and has used me increasingly as a conduit for money only. It's an observation that people other than myself have long made.

My faith is constantly being tested here, and I'm not even sure if I'm worthy. But I believe the Lord, as the saying goes, only gives us what He believes we can bear. I can get through this. And if I can help my loved ones through it, I will.