A time for life-altering decisions, methinks

I started writing this a while back and then had to stop. That means I lost my train of thought. So here goes, a Cliffs Notes version of the past week and a half. On Memorial Day, I was bombarded with a massive headache, vomiting and some dizziness. Classic symptoms of the failure of a shunt in my head that I've had since birth. It's failed before, and this time, they didn't replace the shunt, which drains fluid from my brain.

It's called hydrocephalus, this condition, and it has been with me for my entire life. I was born with it, and I've had to deal with it. So, now, I am. I've got blurred vision, a slightly pulsating headache and some other assorted maladies. I'm alive, however, and I am determined to push forward.

This episode has taught me that I can't wait for anything. The economy's pace appears to be quickening, and though I've had a job throughout the entire downturn (I've been employed steadily in various jobs since Oct. 2000), I can only hope that the economy, combined with a renewed sense to live life to its fullest potential, despite the hardships I face, must be conquered now.

I live far from my family. That must change. Soon. I need to forge positive bonds with them. At any cost. I wrote earlier about the concept of unconditional love to my wife (not that she would even read such a thing I would write to her, but I can hope, and that's why I did it) and I want to practice it for her. She did a somewhat ill-advised thing today which I had to help her out of. It's not something I would do, not with two kids, no money, et. al., but I'm not perfect and for me to pass judgment on what she did would probably be wrong. So I won't. Let's just say it wouldn't be me.

I can only hope that the economy's quickening pace, as well as some well-timed financial assistance (from the government or otherwise) will help propel me to a new and improved personal and professional future. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but the tenous situation with my physical well-being over the past few weeks, the constant pull to be with my family, and the need to be financially solvent have, at least in terms of a general feeling, created a perfect storm inside myself. Why not take the leap and just drive away from it all, get close to the family, and let the chips fall where they may?

I've been told of that option many times, by people who care. I've been scared of that option because it doesn't seem "safe" or "prudent." Well, in late 2005, I moved my family to Wyoming. That did not turn out to be a safe or prudent move for any of us. Why would doing something like that, with a somewhat better mapped game plan, prove unsafe?

I have to start moving. It's time to hang up the karaoke microphone, hit the gym, practice unconditional love, work hard, get an education and stand up and be a husband and father. It's time. I can't waste any more of it.