Wondering about my family

It was another night of karaoke last night -- a night I'd rather simply forget. We'll get to that at another time, if ever. Let's just say I'm about done with stupid people and even stupider behavior.

My evening -- my day, in fact -- was pretty much consumed with thoughts of my wife and children. They left for Las Vegas on Friday, and they should be in Vegas today. That is, if they made it, which I pray for from the bottom of my heart.

Here is where the dichotomy rests between my wife and myself. I care about her and miss her and love her and the children more than they can ever imagine. It has taken me a long time to rebuild that love and those feelings. They were gone for some time, and I know without a doubt that was the most patently false emotion I could have ever exhibited to them. I did, however, and damaged my relationship to the point that I do not know where it lies with the both of us. I know how I feel, but how I feel may matter little to how she feels.

The point I'm trying to make here is that I am worried about my family. Did they make it to Las Vegas? Are they OK? Did they have any problems? If we were together, I'm sure Cherie would have called me and told me everything about their trip, and I would have had a chance to talk to the kids. I would tell Cherie I love her and miss her, and she'd understand. I'd tell the kids the same, and, well, I know they would understand.

Now? I don't live with them. I could worry about them for hours, and they'd never feel a need or twinge of desire to call me. I'm not a priority, and have not been for quite some time. I wonder if she thinks that I think of her as a priority, her and the children. There is a possibility the answer is no, just by virtue of my actions. I haven't seen the kids in six months now, and perhaps that's why she thinks perhaps I don't care.

The fact is, I do. I care more than anyone can possibly imagine. Maybe I have not shown them that I do. Nevertheless, I called her twice yesterday and once today. Not even a simple text message saying they're OK. I have absolutely no idea what to think. I have to assume they got there OK, that if something happened, somebody in some camp would call me. Then again, her family is often as communicative as a wall in the best of times, so it's hard to get information from them. Combine that with some perceived friction between the two camps (the only friction would come from them, and not from me) and Cherie's poor communication skills with me, and, well, my imagination can only think of so many possibilities.

This is why I have to get out of here and get to my family. It's obvious I'm not on anyone's radar here. Nevertheless, that doesn't change the fact that I love and care for them and miss them terribly. I was thinking to myself last night, if I never could ever sing another note, I would trade that just for the chance to be back with them.

That's what matters most. We'll see if I hear from them today. I'm not counting on it.