I blew it

Well, my euphoria lasted exactly one week. I blew it. I had been talking with my stepdaughter for a week...practically every day. We talked tonight, and I probably overstepped my boundaries, and she cut me off. That's it. I wonder if I'll ever talk to her again.

I seriously doubt it. I learned a lot about her. I am not a therapist (though I seriously wish I was) but that young woman has a lot of complex, difficult issues that I could not solve. How could I expect to solve a problem that had been festering for several years, in a week's worth of conversations?

I wish someone would have stopped me. I wish we could have talked simply about the things she was into, her hopes and dreams. Leave out all that other stuff, and save it for another time.
Someone I've chatted with a few times even suggested that: Don't deal with the problems at hand. Just deal with positive things.

I put too much stock in this. Really, I did. I mean, she's an adolescent with so many issues, she just wanted a friend. And I really didn't give it to her. One wonders if I learned anything from this exercise. Perhaps I didn't. I know people might say that I did, but I look at the end result. The end result is another broken relationship. I know people can say that I tried. Well, for God's sake, I didn't try hard enough. The thing is, I have to try harder than I ever have at anything else in my life. It requires a superhuman feat.

I always thought that if I got a chance to meet Destiny, we'd end up hugging. I now know that would have been impossible. But why does someone have to have such a rough exterior? I know I have to be the bigger person in this, but why do I have to do all of the lifting, not just the heavy part?

It's still very hard to do this. I know that Heavenly Father has tested me, and He will continue to test me. It just seems like I fail every test He gives me.

I wonder if I'll ever get it right, even if Heavenly Father gives me an instruction manual in English, with step-by-step directions. I'd probably fail at that, too.