Impatience

I am not a patient man. This, I have had to learn the hard way, especially over the past 18 months.

I sit at this computer, secretly waiting for someone to contact me. I don't want to contact them, because doing so, I feel, would invade their privacy at this point.

And yet, I can't help but wonder: Is Destiny thinking of me? Because I sure am thinking about her. We had such a good conversation yesterday, but we have so many miles and miles to go.
And yet, I want the pace to quicken. I want to get to the point where we can be friends. Where she seeks me out.

It's difficult to expect that from a teenager, and to do so would be unfair to her. I have hurt her, and perhaps she simply wants a break. Perhaps, she's having a good time doing what people her age are doing: listening to music, instant messaging their friends, talking on their cell phones, listening to Disturbed on someone's iPod.

Is it too much to expect so much from someone whom you need to make amends to? Perhaps. I wonder if I'm expecting too much, or looking forward to too much.

I would be remiss, however, if I didn't point out this one fact, however slight it may be. I wished my wife a happy anniversary today, for it is our 8th anniversary. It is the second anniversary we have spent apart, but I will forge ahead with that, too. I need to show her that I love her and care for her, no matter what happens.

She actually wished me a happy anniversary. I wonder if it was just reflex. Maybe it was something else?

I can assume none of this. I have no idea. Just as I have no idea what's going on in Destiny's head.

I feel like shouting to Heavenly Father: I JUST WANT TO BE A FAMILY AGAIN!

But He already knows that. He knows it all. Whether it be His will is another matter entirely. I think He wants me to work harder. So harder I will work.

Am I impatient? Absolutely. Do I wish I had more patience? Yes, I do. I wish I had all the patience in the world. Perhaps it's a good thing that I do not.

I don't know what else to say. I don't want progress to stop.