Getting ready to see the kids

I am making plans to visit Isaac and Savannah this weekend. It's the first time I've seen them in like eight months.

I feel ashamed that it's been so long since I've seen them. I hope they remember me, and yes, a part of me hopes they haven't stopped loving me. I know that might sound corny, but I have to think that they wish they could see me more often, and vice versa. I have to take responsibility for not seeing them, but it's not that I haven't wanted to. But like I've said before, wanting to do something and actually doing it are two different things.

They can't read this blog -- for if they did, I think they would understand where I'm coming from. I really don't expect them to. They expect a Daddy who will be there for them. I haven't always been. I want to make a vow that I will talk to them as often as possible, no matter who I might encounter on the phone. I think if they know that I am there for them -- and this means more than thinking of them -- that they will want to talk to me often.

I would like to forge some kind of compromise with their mother, but to be honest, I don't think she's even ready for that. I have no idea where her mind is at.

So my mind right now is on Isaac and Savannah. I am sorry for not communicating with you better, my wonderful children. It's not because I haven't wanted to. It's just that I so much have wanted to see you in person so I could show you how much Daddy really does love you.