What I've been feeling all along

Life sucks sometimes for people who don't have significant others.

I say this because of last night. Cowboy Jason and I went out to Gary's Place and did the karaoke thing. It was kinda dicey because we're both as broke as Job's turkey this week, and spending even a few dollars for a Coke is pretty much sacrilege at this point.

But it brings me to a point that I alluded to in my last post. I think ultimately, people want to be loved, and want to have someone to love. Those that don't have that and want it are always looking for that.

I will admit, especially after seeing my wife's alleged love interest, a part of me was probably jealous, no matter how illegitimate he appears to be. The fact is, she apparently has found someone. Whether that someone is actually true isn't up to me, but it got me thinking. I know there are people out there who are perfectly happy with being alone.

I am not one of them. Especially after essentially throwing away what once was a very good thing. And yes, no matter what she did, I threw it away.

But is it wrong for me to want that again? To want the affection and perhaps love of someone else? A good person would say I'd have to fix my affairs first. But still, I think of my wife. I mean, really, that's what I really want...my wife. I would love to have her back. But that won't really happen. I want someone to love, someone to care for, someone to be there for, so bad. It's like I told my wife once...I have a giant pot of gold just waiting to give to someone. I want to give it to someone, so bad.

But I don't want to give it to someone who is so superficial they can't see past my physical appearance, or someone who doesn't share the same qualities I have.

I think I'm answering my own questions here. I know what I want. I just have to go and get it. And not settle for anything less.