A very interesting Sunday at church

I will admit something here.

For about a year when we lived in Wyoming, we did not attend church. I believe it to be partially to blame for the reason why we are not a family at the present time.

Now, I am not perfect and am a man with many, many flaws. But if there is one constant in my life, it is that I try to do two things on Sundays that at least get me closer to my Heavenly Father.

I attend church regularly, and I fast every Sunday that I attend church. Those are two things I know I can instantly do that at the very least make me feel closer to Heavenly Father. I genuinely get excited about going to church and feeding my soul.

At church today, at Sunday school, they talked about a subject that hit directly to the core of the relationship between my wife and I. The subject was adultery, as well as the need to be close to one another as husband and wife.

I am loathe to say that what my wife is doing is adultery, for two reasons: one, I am not perfect, and two, I would forgive her in an instant if she ever said she was sorry for doing such a thing. She has nothing to apologize for. I love my wife unconditionally, even if it might be hard to show.

But it pointed out sections of the Doctrine and Covenants that talk about the importance of a man and his wife and their union. We talked about sealing one to another, and the joy that brings.

As I sit here typing this, I wonder what would have happened if Heavenly Father directed me to those sections in the Book of Mormon when things were tough for us under the same roof. Would I have been able to fix the damage that was being done? The entire time we lived in the last house in Casper, I never knew where my Scriptures were. I found them while I was packing to move out. When I found them, I cried. Where were they during the last near-year that we lived in that lovely house in that wonderful neighborhood that looked as close to Mayberry as you could get?

While things might have looked good from the outside, they were a hell inside -- for all of us. I can't fault Heavenly Father for not tapping me on the shoulder, perhaps, and directing me to those scriptures that might have saved my marriage, and my relationship with my children.

My scriptures have not left me since. I read them all of the time. I read them practically every day when I lived in Carson City, and I really, really read them intensely on a trip to Idaho way back in July of last year, when I had to go to court for the first time. I read them now, though my pace has slowed considerably. Still, like a few other tangible things in my life, I hold tight to them as a reminder both of the faith that was given to me by the Holy Ghost and a reminder of how things can be. In a zippered pocket, I still keep the line of progression given to me by a dear friend who confirmed me as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The progression goes all the way back to Joseph Smith.

Tomorrow is the first day that I will make a concerted effort to contact Isaac and Savannah every day. For the days go by too quickly, and you can become too comfortable in your element if you choose to do nothing but stand still and not change it.

If nothing else, I am determined to let those children know I love them. And perhaps, in some small way, I can convince others of the work that I have done to change the way I have been so that they, too, may know of my love for them.

I cannot imagine not having Heavenly Father in my life. We talk every day...sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for hours. But He is my rock, my confidante, my sounding board, in as much a way as any living human being that I know, love and trust.